The Hidden Triggers in Helping Professions

Introduction

I love being a helping professional… I just didn’t realize that becoming one was part of my own trauma response. DAMMIT!

But truly, I couldn’t be more grateful for the career I’m in now. It’s so rewarding, fulfilling, eye opening and absolutely incredibly beautiful. I can’t tell you how fortunate I feel to hold space for vulnerability and to be that safe space, the safe space that people can fall apart in, ugly cry in, yell and curse in, and find themselves again in. Literally, fire AF job.

Also, let’s be honest about the underlying, often silent and hidden challenges that individuals in the helping professions face; especially for those of us that might have accidentally entered the field of helping because of our own past stress or trauma.

Unresolved trauma can resurface in our professional settings- whether it’s due to the mental exhaustion associated with being their for others, due to the demands of holding space for the heaviness, or even due to the feedback you receive from bosses. Not to mention the feelings of guilt, shame and overwhelm that surface in relation to not being “good enough” and constantly striving to be better.

Fear of Criticism

So let’s chat about the fear of criticism and the ways in which they might manifest in the work place as a helping professional. Many of us that enter the field begin with imposter syndrome. We carry that around for a while because, honestly, we’re not yet seasoned and we know it. But unfortunately, for those that have experienced trauma around not being “good enough” (keep in mind, trauma is any lasting emotional wound from past experience that overwhelmed your ability to cope), we are extra sensitive to criticism and constructive feedback. We actually experience what many refer to as “rejection sensitivity dysmorphia” where we think in all-or-nothing terms; any bit of criticism (to a traumatized individual) can = you hate me, I suck, I’m not good enough, you don’t want me here.

The wound wants to heal itself by accessing approval, validation, and reassurance. But the wound doesn’t actually know how to heal itself for real… it only knows how to lessen the heaviness temporarily.

Here’s what we really need to start doing; practicing techniques to calm the nervous system when feedback does start feeling overwhelming, becoming an expert observer of your experience (rather than an anxious attacher), practicing self compassion with the same urgency you practice accessing validation and reassurance, and reframing feedback as an opportunity for growth!

Not only are you, as a helping professional, subject to feedback from supervisors and bosses… but you’re also subject to feedback from the people you’re helping. I like to invite my clients at the start of therapy to PLEASE interject at any point, express your dislike if you’re feeling dislike towards anything, and call me out for anything you don’t agree with. Or, I invite clients to please correct me if we go in a direction that doesn’t feel helpful, because I want to re-route as necessary. But let’s be honest… is it always the easiest thing ever to deal with? No way! I have to actively work to stay grounded and stay observant and non-judgmental of my experience.

Only then can I soften, anchor and move forward with confidence. This is why mindfulness is absolutely key when it comes to working through feelings of insecurity or anxiety, particularly when receiving feedback as a therapist.

Being Responsible for Others

Another thing that comes up in the work place for helping professionals that can be triggering for individuals with trauma; feeling responsible for others’ emotions.

Many of us come into the field, particularly the field of therapy or social work, to have some control over something we didn’t have control over in the past (wink wink) the way people feel.

Technically, we still don’t have control, but we do have opportunity to support growth and change in others. An opportunity we might have wanted during our upbringings, but didn’t have. You might have felt responsible, from a young age, for how others felt around you. But unfortunately, you didn’t have the cognitive skills or emotional intelligence to know how to effectively help navigate those emotional waters. Also, you might have been assigned a role you never should have been assigned. This can contribute to feelings of insecurity around your ability to help others as well as your panic around the need to “figure it out”; which might be triggered in the work place (especially if anyone criticizes your skills in any manner).

This can lead to patterns of overthinking and perfectionism and can actually make you a less authentic helper.

So how do we tackle this? You’ve heard it before, and I’ll preach it again: boundaries. When we learn how to detach emotionally, and we learn how to create and uphold those energetic boundaries, we’re able to show up with our full minds and full hearts… without all of the insecurity and without taking responsibility over what’s not ours to take responsibility for. I like to help my clients practice these skills in session so that they can become masters of their own energetic fields.

Giving to Others What You Never Received

Sometimes I end a session, and I sit, silently staring at the beige wall behind my laptop’s screen. It almost feels a little bit like I’m dissociating, but then I come back to my heart and I offer myself some gentle, empathetic attention. It’s hard to offer to others what you never received.

Especially when I’m doing inner child work with clients (which is basically at the foundation of my practice), I offer space, empathy, and validation that my inner child doesn’t remember receiving. The way that I demonstrate complete unconditional positive regard, literally no judgment at all for anything ever, and my COMPLETE presence… it’s like, damn… my inner child is sad now.

Whether you’re a therapist, a teacher, a social worker, a nurse, or any other helping professional, I’ll bet you’ve offered yourself emotionally in ways no one has ever offered themselves to you, and that can feel painful.

Again, this is how the helping professions trigger old wounds… and this time it’s the pain of that abandonment wound. Inner child wonders… “where was this for me, when I needed it?”

Because of these unmet needs for love, attention, acceptance, and validation, we have to dig deeper to do real healing. This is where parts work comes in for me as a therapist. The inner child is a part of you, and when those feelings arise, that part may need attention.

Meanwhile there might be another part of you that’s protective and doesn’t want to give inner child attention because it doesn’t want you to feel her pain. Not only do we have to learn how to soothe the inner child, we also have to learn how to disarm our protective parts so that we can connect to the inner child.

Triggered by a Lack of Time for Yourself: Overwhelm and Freeze Mode

As a helping professional, you may be facing a constant rush of responsibility that leaves you feeling likes there’s no time or energy left for yourself. You may feel so overwhelmed that you start to procrastinate self care or you start to live in a functional freeze state (where you basically meet only the most important, required expectations… while letting everything else… wait).

This can be linked, for a lot of people, to the underlying belief that “my needs don’t matter.” Those early childhood wounds run really, really deep and we don’t always recognize that there might be this underlying core belief unconsciously directing your behavior.

I recommend implementing super duper simple self care practices that center around somatic processing. By engaging the body in breath and movement based skills, you can start to gently regulate your nervous system, little by little throughout the day. It can be overwhelming to “make time” for yourself, especially as someone that holds that “my needs don’t matter” underlying belief. So instead of expecting a lot out of yourself, keep it simple and integrate little moments of self care (a step out in the sunlight, a little swaying and mindful breathing for a minute or two, mindfully sipping a cup of tea, doing a bit of stretching or holding a single yoga pose for 30 seconds).

And of course, consider going back to (or starting) therapy in order to dig into those beliefs so you can do a little more rewiring.

Triggered by Others' Suffering: The Weight of Empathy and Compassion Fatigue

Last, but certainly not least, let’s talk compassion fatigue. Being surrounded by the pain and trauma of others can create a sense of empathy overload. Especially for those that identify as highly sensitive or as empaths, the experience of being in a helping profession can be difficult. It’s not uncommon to see ourselves in others and others in ourselves. It’s not uncommon to start having intrusive thoughts about, “what if that were me?” And it’s not uncommon to wonder about the people you help when you’re not directly servicing them.

Compassion fatigue is intensified when we certain parts of ourselves really, really want to “fix” things that aren’t fixing. Like, for example, a caring part of you might have learned to absorb emotion from others, overthink how others might be feeling, or analyze solutions for them. This caring part is simply caring at it’s core… but it had to start wearing these hats that caused you to auto-pilot absorb emotion from others as life progressed.

As we learn how to compassionately detach from the suffering of others, we can learn how to be caring without “carrying.” Mindfulness practices, visualization practices (like chord cutting visualizations), and even somatic practices (like, shaking it off, peeling it off, drawing it away) can help you to compassionately detach. We’re not “blocking it out,” dismissing our emotions, or choosing not to care… because that would be inauthentic. Instead, we are detaching and re-allocating all of that care… towards you and towards what’s really in your control.

At this point, I think you get the picture… childhood wounds can resurface in professional settings and healing begins with awareness. As we utilize our ability to be mindful, we can recognize our triggers, and we can guide ourselves towards deeper healing as opposed to getting stuck and cycling back into the spiral of guilt, shame and overwhelm.

Be relentless about your self care, seek deeper support in a therapeutic setting, practice mindfulness daily, and be self compassionate.

If you resonate with what you’ve read, and you’re interested in doing some deeper inner child work with a therapist in California, feel free to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call here. We can discuss your needs and determine if we might be a good therapeutic match.