10 Everyday Struggles of Fixers and Approval Seekers—and Why Somatic Therapy is a Game-Changer

If you identify as someone who’s constantly fixing, overthinking, or seeking approval, chances are you know how exhausting it feels. These patterns might seem like part of your personality, but they’re often signs of deeper emotional wounds and protective strategies your body and mind learned early on.

You might notice these tendencies creeping into your everyday life in ways that seem small, but over time, they take a massive toll on your mental and emotional health. Let’s take a closer look at 10 specific ways these struggles show up—and why somatic therapy might be the perfect way to address them at their root.

1. Rewriting an Email Ten Times

Every time you need to send an email, you agonize over the tone. Are you being too direct? Too soft? Did you say “thank you” enough? What if the recipient reads it the wrong way?

This constant need to perfect your communication often stems from a fear of judgment or criticism. Your nervous system might even be treating the potential of “getting it wrong” as a threat.

2. Jumping in to Solve Someone Else’s Problem Without Being Asked

A friend mentions they’re stressed about a work project, and before they even finish their sentence, you’re offering advice, researching solutions, or trying to fix it for them.

Deep down, this urge to solve problems isn’t just about helping—it’s also about proving your worth or ensuring that you’re needed and valued.

3. Feeling Crushed by a Slightly Cold Text Response

That one-word “K” or a reply that feels less warm than usual sends your brain into overdrive. Are they mad? Did you do something wrong? Why don’t they sound happy?

This emotional reaction points to an underlying need for reassurance and a fear of disconnection.

4. Saying ‘Yes’ to Something You Don’t Want to Do

You’re overwhelmed with tasks, but when someone asks for your help, you say yes automatically. Later, you’re resentful, overworked, and wondering why you can’t just say no.

People-pleasing often comes from an ingrained belief that your value lies in being helpful, agreeable, and accommodating—no matter the cost to yourself.

5. Replaying a Conversation Over and Over

After a conversation, your brain replays the entire thing on a loop. Did you talk too much? Say something wrong? Do they secretly think less of you?

This cycle of overthinking stems from a fear of being judged or rejected, which often signals unresolved emotional wounds from past experiences of criticism or abandonment.

6. Compulsively Apologizing for Things That Aren’t Your Fault

Someone bumps into you, but you immediately say, “Oh, sorry!” It feels like you’re constantly apologizing for simply existing.

This reflexive apology can come from a deeply ingrained need to keep others happy or avoid conflict, often tied to feelings of unworthiness or fear of taking up space.

7. Spending Hours on a Task That Should Take 20 Minutes

You’re asked to complete a simple task at work, but you end up spending hours perfecting every detail to make sure nobody has anything to critique.

Perfectionism like this can stem from a fear of failure or criticism, where your nervous system views “mistakes” as dangerous and feels compelled to avoid them at all costs.

8. Constantly Checking in to Make Sure People Are Okay

You send a friend a long message asking, “Are we good? Did I upset you?” even though there’s no real sign that anything’s wrong.

This behavior often reflects a fear of rejection or abandonment, where your body feels a need to over-secure connections just to feel safe.

9. Feeling Physically Uncomfortable When There’s Conflict

When people around you argue, your stomach tightens, your heart races, and you feel the overwhelming urge to smooth things over—even if it’s not your job to do so.

This is often rooted in early experiences where conflict felt unsafe, teaching your body to associate tension with danger.

10. Struggling to Delegate Without Hovering

You try to delegate a task to someone else but end up micromanaging or redoing it yourself. You just don’t trust that it’ll be done “right” unless you’re in control.

This need for control often arises from a lack of trust—either in others or in yourself to handle uncertainty.

Why Somatic Therapy is the Right Fit for These Patterns

If you relate to these struggles, it’s not just “in your head.” These behaviors are deeply tied to the body, where old emotional wounds and survival responses are stored. Somatic therapy works because it addresses these patterns at their root—your nervous system and your body’s learned responses to stress, rejection, and fear.

Here’s how somatic therapy can help:

1. Releasing Stored Trauma:
   Many of these behaviors are driven by fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses that are stuck in your body. Somatic therapy helps you process and release these stored patterns, allowing you to respond to life from a place of calm instead of reactivity.

2. Building Emotional Awareness:
   Through somatic practices, you’ll learn to notice the physical sensations tied to these patterns—like the tightness in your chest when there’s conflict or the knot in your stomach when you want to say no. This awareness is the first step to creating change.

3. Regulating Your Nervous System:
   Somatic therapy offers tools to help your nervous system feel safe and grounded, even in the face of uncertainty, criticism, or conflict. Over time, you’ll learn to trust yourself and let go of the need to control everything around you.

4. Shifting Core Beliefs:
   By connecting with your body, you can challenge the ingrained beliefs driving these behaviors—like “I’m only worthy if I’m helpful” or “I need to keep the peace to feel safe.” Somatic work creates space to embody new, empowering beliefs.

5. Developing Self-Trust and Confidence:
   As you process past wounds and regulate your nervous system, you’ll start to trust yourself more. This trust allows you to set boundaries, let go of perfectionism, and show up authentically in your relationships.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Heal

If these everyday struggles feel all too familiar, know this: you’re not broken, and you don’t have to live like this forever. These patterns are simply survival strategies that your body learned to keep you safe. With somatic therapy, you can begin to release these old patterns and step into a life that feels calmer, freer, and more aligned with who you truly are.

You don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to explore this deeper work, reach out today. Let’s begin the journey back to you. 💛 Book your free call HERE (Accepting California clients only)