Breaking the Cycle of Urgency: How to Rewire Your Nervous System for Safety

Do you ever feel like you have to fix, resolve, or figure something out immediately when things feel off?

Like there’s an invisible pressure pushing you to do something—anything—just so you can feel a sense of relief?

Maybe it’s an unresolved conversation, an unanswered text, or the unsettling feeling that something isn’t quite right. Your mind won’t let it go, and your body won’t relax until it’s handled.

This isn’t just a habit of overthinking. It’s a nervous system response.

Let’s break down why this happens, what’s actually going on in your brain and body, and—most importantly—how to break the cycle and create a sense of safety without getting stuck in urgency.

Why Your Brain and Body Default to Urgency

Your brain is designed to prioritize survival over everything else. When something feels uncertain or unresolved, your amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) detects it as a possible threat.

From there, your hypothalamus takes over, sending signals to activate your fight-or-flight response. Adrenaline and cortisol flood your system, your muscles tense, your thoughts start racing—because your brain believes you need to take action right now to regain control.

This process is automatic. And if you’ve experienced chronic stress, past trauma, or childhood wounds, your nervous system may have learned to stay on high alert even when there’s no actual danger.

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), this response can be even more intense. Your limbic system—the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions and sensory input—naturally reacts more strongly to stress, making feelings of urgency harder to ignore.

The result?

• You push for resolution before emotions have settled.

• You struggle to sit in the discomfort of not knowing.

• You feel anxious if you and your partner aren’t completely on the same page.

• You rush decisions because waiting feels out of control.

These reactions aren’t about logic. They’re about a nervous system that doesn’t feel safe.

The Real Goal Isn’t to “Calm Down”—It’s to Feel Safe

Most people will tell you to just take deep breaths, calm down, or stop overanalyzing. But if your nervous system is in survival mode, calm isn’t the goal—safety is.

Your body isn’t looking for peace; it’s looking for control, because control feels like safety. But the more you chase immediate solutions, the more your system stays stuck in urgency.

So instead of trying to “calm down,” the real question is: How can you create a felt sense of safety in your body?

10 Ways to Create Safety in Your Nervous System

1️⃣ Orient to Your Environment – Slowly look around the room. Name five things you see. Notice the textures, colors, and light around you. Your body registers safety when it can take in its surroundings.

2️⃣ Humming or Gentle Vibration – Your vagus nerve (which helps regulate your nervous system) responds to vibration. Try humming, singing, or even placing your hand on your chest while speaking aloud.

3️⃣ Grounding Through Texture – Hold an object with different textures (a soft blanket, a smooth rock) and focus on how it feels in your hand. Sensory input can signal safety to your nervous system.

4️⃣ Shake It Off – Animals instinctively shake after a stressful event to release stored tension. Try shaking out your hands, rolling your shoulders, or gently bouncing your knees.

5️⃣ Butterfly Hug – Cross your arms over your chest and tap your shoulders alternately. This bilateral stimulation helps regulate your nervous system.

6️⃣ Exaggerated Yawning – Yawning isn’t just about being tired—it naturally slows breathing and engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation.

7️⃣ Rhythmic Movement – Rocking, swaying, or gentle repetitive motions (even pacing) can help regulate an activated nervous system by mimicking the movements we associate with comfort.

8️⃣ Hot or Cold Sensory Shifts – Try splashing cold water on your face, holding a warm mug, or pressing an ice pack to your neck. Temperature changes help reset the nervous system.

9️⃣ Hip and Pelvic Movement – Many people store tension in their hips. Try gentle hip circles, stretching, or even dancing to help release stored stress.

🔟 Breathwork with Resistance – Instead of just deep breathing, try exhaling through pursed lips or into a straw. This engages the vagus nerve and slows your heart rate.

But I also have some really cool and creative practices that can help you to create safety in your nervous system in a way that- I’ll almost bet- you haven’t heard of yet…

Breaking the Cycle of Urgency

If you recognize these patterns in yourself, it’s not because you’re too much or too anxious. Your nervous system has simply learned that urgency = safety.

But that can change.

The more you practice regulating your nervous system, the easier it becomes to pause, shift out of urgency, and respond from a place of clarity rather than panic.

And if you want to learn exactly how to do that, join me for a FREE live workshop on March 22nd at 8 a.m. PST for highly sensitive people who want to learn somatic strategies for nervous system regulation.

We’ll go beyond theory and actually practice real techniques together so you can start feeling more grounded and in control.

🔗 Click here to sign up. Because safety isn’t about fixing everything right away—it’s about learning how to feel safe in yourself.